https://fs.blog/2020/07/appearances-vs-experiences/
When we think that the way a building looks will dictate our experience living in it, we are mistaking the map for the territory. Architectural flourishes soon fade into the background. What matters is the day -to-day experience of living there, when relationsihps matter much more than how things look. Proximity to friends is a higher predictor of happiness than charming old brick.
[Charles Montgomery] A person with a one-hour commute has to earn 40 percent more money to be as satisfied with life as someone who walks to the office. On the other hand, for a single person, exchanging a long commute for a short walk to work has the same effect on happiness as finding a new love.
So why do we make this mistake? Drawing on the work on psychologist Daniel Gilbert, Montgomery explains that it's a matter of us thinking we'll get used to cmmuting (an experience) and won't get used to the nicer living environment (a thing).
The opposite is true. While a bigger garden and spare bedroom soon cease to be novel, every day's commute is a little bit different, meaning we can never get quite used to it. There is a direct linear downwards relationship between commute time and life satisfaction, but there's no linear upwards correlation between house size and life satisfaction. As Montgomery says, "The problem is, we consistently make decision that suggest we are not so good as distinguishing between ephemeral and lasting pleasures.
[...] We maximize our chances at happiness when we prioritise our experience of life instead of acquiring things to fill it with.
